Be afraid. Be very afraid.

That seems to the be central message in American politics today.

Years ago, President Franklin D. Roosevelt said, "The only thing we have to fear is, fear itself." They're not using these words exactly, but politicians today seem to be telling us that fear itself is damn near the only thing we don't need to be afraid of.

There was a piece on "The Daily Show" last night. John Oliver went to Obama and McCain rallies, and interviewed some of the supporters at each. What they showed was person after person, from each side's rally, talking about how utterly terrified they are at the prospect of the other candidate becoming president. Granted, the only people they put in the piece were the ones whose answers were in line with the theme they were going for, but they did not appear to have any shortage of people to help them present their theme. Of course, it's not just these folks who got interviewed for a cable fake-news show. Read the Letters to the Editor in any US newspaper, or check out any online discussion of the election. You'll read the same thing.

I can't tell you how many times over the last several weeks I've read, about either candidate, and built up by any number of different topics, that if [either McCain or Obama] is elected, "this country as we know it is over."

I don't know what saddens me more: that the manipulative political operatives plant these ideas and stir the pot to get people so afraid, or that it works - that people are so utterly and apparently hopelessly ignorant of reality that they seem to truly believe that electing one man or the other is actually going to bring about these horrible doomsday scenarios they're being spoon-fed.

Fundamentally, there's no difference between this election and any other we've had since the first one in 1789. Different candidates have different views of what's best for the country. They have a base comprised of those who their policies and beliefs favor, and they try to convince those in the middle to come to their side. One will be successful, and get elected. Yes, some things are going to change. Depending on who gets elected (not only as President, but to Congress), taxes may go up or down, government programs will contract or expand, our military will do stuff, the economy will do stuff, foreign governments will or won't work with us.

Time, changes in our culture, changes in the media (particularly media technology) and such - the things that make our politics different today that it was in 1789, 1889 or 1989 - will slowly change the way the country and our politics operate. It'll look a little different when the incoming President leaves than it does today, just as it looks a little different today than it did 8 years ago when Bush came in.

But seriously, how fundamentally different is your life than it was in 2001? I mean based on things the government controls? (Granted, if you or a loved one was injured - or worse - in war, that's a might change. And one that happened to more US soldiers in 8 years under Clinton than in 8 years under Bush.) Compare that with the changes that you've made. Point is, I'm wagering most people will find that the big changes in their life... during any time span... are not based on what our government does. Because mostly what they do is keep the status quo going.

And mostly, it seems, the electorate fails to see this. Or, at least, they fall for the ridiculous fearmongering, truly believe the horrible predictions should X or Y person be elected, and keep electing the people who keep pulling the same crap.

Or, in the words of George Bernard Shaw, "Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve."

The good Lady Mondegreen

A mondegreen is a misheard song lyric or line of poetry. The name comes from "The Death of Lady Mondegreen," an essay by Sylvia Wright, which appeared in the November 1954 issue of Harper's Magazine. The word, and the essay title, come from her own childhood experience mishearing the words of a poem titled "The Bonnie Earl O'Murray." The poem reads, "They hae slain the Earl O'Murray, and laid him on the green." Ms. Wright heard the poem to mention 2 victims, the Earl himself and, in her mind, "Lady Mondegreen." Apparently Sylvia and I aren't the only ones interested in misheard song lyrics. According to Wikipedia, newspaper columnists William Safire and Jon Carroll "have long been popularizers of the term and collectors of mondegreens," and I know of 2 books ('Scuse Me While I Kiss This Guy, and He's Got the Whole World in His Pants) of mondegreens compiled by Details magazine editor Gavin Edwards.

I've compiled a list of lyrics that I've personally misheard, or people that I know have. I'll present them in a format similar to how they are in the above-mentioned books, which is:

Misheard lyric

Artist

"Song"

Correct lyric

There are a few songs (Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit," and R.E.M.'s "It's the End of the World As We Know It [And I Feel Fine]" come to mind) which could have contributed several entries to my list - and again, that's just from my own experience and that of people I personally know (and who have told me of their mondegreens), but I've given special dispensation for those songs. I don't know if there's any insight to be gained from how songs are sometimes heard, as opposed to how they're written and sung. If nothing else, sometimes the mondegreen comes out better than the original lyrics.

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Our love is a lie

Suzi Quatro & Chris Norman

"Stumblin' In"

Our love is alive

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You know it's kind of hard just to get a lot today

The Offspring

"Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)"

...just to get along today

(A lot of what? I'm not sure. Don't know what I thought they were thinking)

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He want to save you from the wrecking ball

Elton John

"Island Girl"

He want to take you from the racket boss

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Hey, Chelsea

Gin Blossoms

"Hey Jealousy"

Hey jealousy

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Where women blow and men thunder

Men At Work

"Down Under"

Where women glow and men plunder

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Just like a one-winged dove

Stevie Nicks

"Edge Of Seventeen"

Just like a white-winged dove

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Just you and me and Leslie, groovin'

The Young Rascals

"Groovin'"

Just you and me endlessly groovin'

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I'll follow your horse downtown

Blondie

"One Way Or Another"

I'll follow your bus downtown

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No Dukes of Hazzard in the classroom

Pink Floyd

"Another Brick In The Wall (Part 2)"

No dark sarcasm in the classroom

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Even downtown, voices carry

'Til Tuesday

"Voices Carry"

Keep it down now, voices carry

(It's not just a suburban issue, folks!)

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Ain't that a shame? Chantilly lace

Fats Domino

"Ain't That A Shame"

Ain't that a shame? My tears fell like rain

(Apparently, the guy that came up with this one figured Fats was not a Big Bopper fan? Thought it was a shame that he had that hit song?)

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Not bad, for a prejudiced white boy

Extreme

"Get the Funk Out"

Not bad, for a pasty-faced white boy

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Asians can't be trusted

The Mamas & The Papas

"Creeque Alley"

Agents can't be trusted

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...and Van Halen is overrated

Train

"Drops of Jupiter"

...and that heaven is overrated

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I'm not talking 'bout Bolivia

England Dan and John Ford Coley

"I'd Really Love To See You Tonight"

I'm not talking 'bout moving in

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Rockets in the ballroom, in the cold November rain

Guns N' Roses

"November Rain"

...or I'll just end up walking in the cold November rain

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Stepped on a Pop-Tart

Jimmy Buffett

"Margaritaville"

Stepped on a pop top

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Wrapped up like a douche

Manfred Mann's Earth Band

"Blinded By The Light"

Revved up like deuce

(A deuce is a deuce coupe, a nickname for the 1932 Model B Ford - the same car The Beach Boys sang about in "Little Deuce Coupe." This is a very common mondegreen, apparently due to a technical flaw in the recording. The lyric is much more understandable on Bruce Springsteen's original version of the song. Bruce sings "Cut loose like a deuce," if you're scoring at home. Or, if I may quote Keith Olbermann, if you're alone.)

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You'd say anything to a butterfly

Huey Lewis and The News

"If This Is It"

You'll say anything to avoid a fight

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Toonces on the tube, tender Asian boobs

Nirvana

"In Bloom"

Bruises on the fruit, tender age in bloom

(Toonces, if you're unfamiliar, was a recurring character on "Saturday Night Live" about 15 - 20 years ago. She was a cat who could drive. Each skit would end up with Toonces apparently saving the day by driving the car, only to crash it over the side of cliff. Every skit. Every time. Stopped being funny long before the stopped doing it. I doubt I need to explain to anyone what Asian boobs are. If need be, there are several websites that can help you, I'm quite sure.)

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She called out to me, talking 'bout dead Japanese

Humble Pie

"30 Days In The Hole"

Chicago green, talking 'bout red Lebanese

(Given that those are drug references, probably strains of marijuana, I don't think it's such a bad thing that I didn't know what they were singing about.)

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I like smoking lightning

Steppenwolf

"Born To Be Wild"

I like smoke and lightning

(Not sure how I thought one would accomplish the smoking of lightning. But I almost have all the right syllables, just screwed up the context.)

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Losing weight without speed-eating sunflower seeds

Jimmy Buffett

"Cheeseburger In Paradise"

Losing weight without speed, eating sunflower seeds

(This time, I did have all the right syllables. But I really tanked it on the context.)

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Hey now, hey now, the dream is over

Crowded House

"Don't Dream It's Over"

...don't dream it's over

(Kind of changes the meaning of the song, wouldn't you say?)

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...wishing you were here by me, two in this misery

Del Shannon

"Runaway"

...wishing you were here by me, to end this misery

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I can look at you until you don't love me no more

Bill Haley and His Comets

"Shake, Rattle And Roll"

I can look at you and tell you don't love me no more

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I can't for the life of me remember a Saturday

Paul Simon

"Mother And Child Reunion"

I can't for the life of me remember a sadder day

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Choco pudding everywhere

The Monkees

"Another Pleasant Valley Sunday"

Charcoal burning everywhere

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What did you do when you got horny?

Derek and The Dominoes

"Layla"

What'll you do when you get lonely?

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She loves to move, she loves to groove, she loves eleven things

Journey

"Any Way You Want It"

...she loves the lovin' things

(But no more than 11, dammit! Woe unto you, who suggests a twelfth thing for her to love. [Typing "twelfth" was weird. My fingers didn't want to do that "lfth" part. I think they thought it must have been wrong.])

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And what I think is the best one any one that I know has ever thought they heard.....

Bubble money squash

The Scorpions

"Wind Of Change"

I follow the Moskva

(I don't imagine that my two friends who came up with that really thought those were the actual lyrics. But, they had no idea what the guy was singing, and that's the closest to real words that they could make it sound like, I guess. To be fair, this was in the days before the Internet (at least before we knew about it), so finding song lyrics wasn't as easy as it is today. And, before I read the lyrics to this song, I had never heard of the Moskva. And Klaus, the leas singer for The Scorpions, can be pretty hard to understand. Still, "bubble money squash" stands head and shoulders above all the others, as far as I'm concerned.)

Dream

A few nights ago, 2 of my friends from high school were in my dream. I haven't seen either of them since we graduated, which was back in 1990. I only know what they looked like at age 18. And yet, in the dream, they were properly aged to look more or less the age we are now, which is 35 (in my case, either or both of them may be 36). One even looked to have gained a significant amount of weight.

Really, in a sense, the two people I dreamed about don't exist. There is a 2008 version of Jennifer, and a 2008 version of Tara, but I have no reason to believe that those people are anything like the 2 people in my dream. Of course, it's not uncommon for me to dream about people who don't exist. They're completely made up - fictional characters who have only ever existed in my sleeping mind. It's also not uncommon for me to dream about real people, either that I know or some celebrity/well-known person (in past dreams, for example, I once lived next door to Barry Manilow [he had a broken arm and so needed someone to play piano on his upcoming tour], and once shot heroin with Molly Ringwald*), but as far as I remember, it's always been the contemporary version of that person. As far as I know, this is the first time I've taken someone from the past and modernized them in my dream.

That's it. Not a big deal, just a little something that I'd never had happen before, and found interesting.


*True story. Those are both real dreams that I've had.